Leader Meter

Aug 5, 2019 | leadership

Using the following question, keep track of the number of ‘no’ answers, and the number of ‘yes’ answers.

As a leader, do you MOST of the time:

1. Rely on one person (manager, co-worker, employee, friend, spouse, relative) to provide support in the management of a difficult interaction with a second person Yes No
2. Change your opinion to match another person’s opinions Yes No
3. Struggle to make a decision because you might make a mistake Yes No
4. Find yourself not interested in engaging in non-work activities Yes No
5. Verify your decision with other people before settling on a decision Yes No
6. Prepare your decision or response to ensure “that” person does not react and cause trouble Yes No
7. Become frustrated when people disagree with you Yes No
8. Take your job home and work off the clock Yes No
9. Become stuck when you think you have made a mistake Yes No
10. Allow one person to derail the direction of the conversation/meeting/project Yes No
11 Find yourself gathering excessive data before you make a decision Yes No
12. Make a decision that disagrees with your personal morals or values Yes No
13. Allow your employees/boss/co-worker to dump their problems on you Yes No
14. Find it difficult to present your real opinion Yes No
15. Behave differently at work than you do at home Yes No

Total number of “NO”           ______

Number of No responses:

13-15 Congratulations! You are a decisive, creative, and calm leader
10-12 Solid sense of self You have spent time in self-reflection learning how to separate your thoughts and opinions from other people’s thoughts and opinions.
7-9 Straddling the line between following and leading There are times when you are decisive, creative, and calm, but other times the stress of other people’s views, thoughts, and opinions overwhelm you.
4-6 Room for growth Most of the time you rely on those around you to help you make your decisions, but once in a while you have found a way to stand independent.
1-3 Struggling to lead You find it hard to make decisions, learn from your mistakes, and have not developed flexibility in your decision-making process.

Great leaders are not born, they mature into the role. There are not pre-established personality traits that must be witnessed before a person can become a great leader. Leadership is not about being charismatic, delivering impassioned speeches, or becoming a visionary compass. Instead, leadership occurs after a person identifies their instinctual response to anxiety and replaces those methods with healthy responses.

All people crave being close to other people and yet retain a need for independence. When things become difficult, people want to gather together for safety.  When the togetherness aspect becomes too intense, the members fuse and struggle to think independently. One way of managing the togetherness aspect is to become overly independent. When the independent aspect becomes too powerful, the members are cutoff from each other and struggle to think as a unit. This dichotomous nature of humans creates an emotional system between people.

Great leaders have developed higher levels of differentiation of self (DoS) to manage the emotional system. These are the people who can be decisive, calm and creative. These abilities only occur after spending time in self-reflection, learning to self-calm, and taking risks. Great leaders are a transformative presence.

Decisiveness grows in direct proportion to the person’s level of DoS. DoS is the ability to retain personal views, thoughts, and opinions while staying connected to other people, even in stressful times. A person with a higher level of DoS has the flexibility of having a differing opinion than others and yet be able to hear the validity of the other’s opinions. This flexibility allows a decision to be made based on the facts and not on “winning” an argument. A person with a higher level of DoS can recognize when their responses are reactive and make the decision to respond in a different manner. Higher levels of DoS also provides the ability to make tough decisions that may not be popular.

Using the questions above, people who are decisive do not:

1. Rely on one person (manager, co-worker, employee, friend, spouse, relative) to provide support in the management of a difficult interaction with a second person.
5. Verify decisions with other people before settling on a decision.
11. Gathering excessive data before making a decision.
13. Allow employees/boss/co-worker to dump problems on them.
14. Find it difficult to present their real opinions.

Calmness stems from a person’s recognition that everything is about anxiety. Anxiety plays a huge part in how decisions are made and how the outcome succeeds or fails. A calm person also knows that another person’s reaction is about the other person’s anxiety management. The most import aspect of learning to remain calm is understanding each person must learn to manage their reactions to stress and not expect others to provide anxiety relief.

Using the questions above, people who are calm do not:

2. Change their opinion to match another person’s opinions.
6. Prepare a decision or response to ensure “that” person does not react and cause trouble.
7. Become frustrated when people disagree with them.
10. Allow one person to derail the direction of the conversation/meeting/project.
12. Make a decision that disagrees with your personal morals or values.

Creativity is an outcome of a flexible mind. When a person can see the problem from multiple angles and recognize the value of different options, the person can discover creative solutions to difficult problems. All great leaders are creative and willing to take risks. However, the converse is not always true. People who are highly creative may not have the capability of self-management or self-reflections.

Using the questions above, people who are creative do not:

3. Struggle to make a decision because of a fear of making a mistake
4. Find themselves not interested in engaging in non-work activities
7. Become frustrated when people disagree with them
9. Become stuck when they think they have made a mistake
15. Behave in a different manner at work than they do at home

Recognizing the signs of being indecisive, reactive to situations, and having ridged thinking is the beginning of developing better leadership. A great leader has the capability of making decisive decisions, even taking risks with the decisions. Mistakes are viewed as opportunities to grow, not decisions of doom. Anxiety is acknowledged and recognized as a huge influence. Decisions are based on the person’s integrity with an adherence to personal thoughts, views, and opinions. But most importantly, leaders can self-calm and respond to the facts of the situation, not the pressure from those around them.

If you are interested in learning more about how to develop great leadership skills, please contact Hello People Consulting at 1.425.318.8096 or info@hellopeopleconsulting.com